March 5, 2006
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Would you exchange something that you thought would bring happiness
for something you thought was worth it?
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, to discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and to be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.
Walden or Life in the Woods - Henry David Thoreau (1817 – 1862)
What you think you want is not necessarily what you need. Sometimes even the most self-asured people know that and accept it but sometimes we rebel aagainst it.
It's just like when you're a little kid and your parents tell you not to do something and you go ahead and do it just because you want to see what's like?My life is just that right now. I know I should be thinking of stability and, maybe, starting to look at a long-term relationship yet here I am struggling with choices that are those I feel I should have made 10 years ago, back when I was just starting to work on CVC or even before that... The only constant in life is that change is inevitable, isn't it?
And I guess that's what it boils down to. Chico is no longer a place where work and happiness are one and the same. It's become a disapointing job, where all the challenges have to be self-initiated; while that is cool it gives a very fuzzy sense of direction and not a sense of satisfaction with what you're doing.
Right now I'm looking at what the alternatives are for the short term and what long term plans are shaping out to be.
I think I have a COA to keep me happy for a while. I'll continue here at least until June, the time I'm taking the GRE. If I make the score I need got either school (and making the score for Utah State means that I also make the score for Georgia
) then I'll re-evaluate where and when I'm going. If I decide to move I'm going to turn in my application no later than August 15th for both places. If I don't make it then I need to start applying out of Chico, maybe CVC would not be such a bad idea after all... get a portfolio put together and see if non-educational work comes around... but this time apply yourself to it and use all the skills you have amased over time to make sure you do your best.
Comments (1)
well... im a cold one... so in my case, i will often choose what i think is the best for MYSELF alone
i actually had a long convo w the cheese about going on a year long study in another country... he was so sad and disagreed. i was like what?! i am not at a point in my life that i would give up a huge learning opportunity and enlightening experience for.. the hopes of marriage? i try to take it easy... if the relat works it works if it doesnt it doesnt.. whatever, tehre are tons of fish in the ocean. sometimes you throw one back and it you catch it again later. sorry but i aint no ahab tahts gonna chase down one that got away. cha.
erm well anyway g luck to you on your thinking and decision making process
*huggles*
ps. if its between relational happiness or career foundation/life experience, i am more likely to choose career or life experience. if its between, my individuality and freedom of expression and career, i would choose my individuality.
perhaps, "later" might be the better time for the second thing.
but a very valid point, that the cheese made is... why cant you have both? just defer one of them
in my case, the cheese and i could always travel together later, which i am cool with
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